Don't Mess With Them

You don't tug on superman's cape
You don't spit into the wind
You don't pull the mask off that old lone ranger
And you don't mess around with...them

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances."

Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . .. . Kill her!!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.

After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. "This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."

MORAL:

Women are crazy. Don't mess with them.

COMPUTER SYMBOLS

We all know those cute little computer symbols called 'emoticons,' where:

:) means a smile and

:( is a frown.

Sometimes these are represented by

:-)

:-(

Well, how about some 'ASSICONS?'
Here goes:


(_!_) a regular ass


(__!__) a fat ass


(!) a tight ass


(_*_) a sore ass


{_!_} a swishy ass


(_o_) an ass that's been around

(_x_) kiss my ass


(_X_) leave my ass al one


(_zzz_) a tired ass


(_E=mc2_) a smart ass


(_$_) Money coming out of his ass


(_?_) Dumb Ass

You have just been e-mooned!

We All Need a Laugh

LIFE AFTER DEATH :
"DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER DEATH?" THE BOSS ASKED ONE OF HIS
EMPLOYEES..
"YES, SIR," THE NEW EMPLOYEE REPLIED.
"WELL, THEN, THAT MAKES EVERYTHING JUST FINE," THE BOSS WENT ON.
"AFTER YOU LEFT EARLY YESTERDAY TO GO TO YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S
FUNERAL, SHE STOPPED IN TO SEE YOU!



PALM SUNDAY:
IT WAS PALM SUNDAY AND, BECAUSE OF A SORE THROAT, FIVE-YEAR-OLD
JOHNNY STAYED HOME FROM CHURCH WITH A SITTER. WHEN THE FAMILY
RETURNED HOME, THEY WERE CARRYING SEVERAL PALM BRANCHES. THE BOY
ASKED WHAT THEY WERE FOR. "PEOPLE HELD THEM OVER JESUS' HEAD AS
HE WALKED BY."
"WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT," THE BOY FUMED, "THE ONE SUNDAY I DON'T
GO, HE SHOWS UP!"


CHILDREN'S SERMON:
ONE EASTER SUNDAY MORNING AS THE MINISTER WAS PREACHING THE
CHILDREN'S SERMON, HE REACHED INTO HIS BAG OF PROPS AND PULLED
OUT AN EGG. HE POINTED AT THE EGG AND ASKED THE
CHILDREN, "WHAT'S IN HERE?"
"I KNOW!" A LITTLE BOY EXCLAIMED. "PANTYHOSE!! "


SUPPORT A FAMILY :
THE PROSPECTIVE FATHER-IN-LAW ASKED, "YOUNG MAN, CAN YOU SUPPORT
A FAMILY?"
THE SURPRISED GROOM-TO-BE REPLIED, "WELL, NO. I WAS JUST
PLANNING TO SUPPORT YOUR DAUGHTER. THE REST OF YOU WILL HAVE
TO FEND FOR YOURSELVES."


FIRST TIME USHERS :
A LITTLE BOY IN CHURCH FOR THE FIRST TIME WATCHED AS THE USHERS
PASSED AROUND THE OFFERING PLATES.
WHEN THEY CAME NEAR HIS PEW, THE BOY SAID LOUDLY, "DON'T PAY FOR
ME DADDY. I'M UNDER FIVE."


CLIMB THE WALLS :
"OH, I SURE AM HAPPY TO SEE YOU," THE LITTLE BOY SAID TO HIS
GRANDMOTHER ON HIS MOTHER'S SIDE. "NOW MAYBE DADDY WILL DO THE
TRICK HE HAS BEEN PROMISING US."
THE GRANDMOTHER WAS CURIOUS. "WHAT TRICK IS THAT?" SHE ASKED.
"I HEARD HIM TELL MOMMY THAT HE WOULD CLIMB THE WALLS IF YOU
CAME TO VISIT," THE LITTLE BOY ANSWERED.


THE WATER PISTOL:
WHEN MY THREE-YEAR-OLD SON OPENED THE BIRTHDAY GIFT FROM HIS
GRANDMOTHER, HE DISCOVERED A WATER PISTOL. HE SQUEALED WITH
DELIGHT AND HEADED FOR THE NEAREST SINK.
I WAS NOT SO PLEASED. I TURNED TO MOM AND SAID, "I'M SURPRISED
AT YOU. DON'T YOU REMEMBER HOW WE USED TO DRIVE YOU CRAZY WITH
WATER GUNS?" MOM SMILED AND THEN REPLIED.... "I REMEMBER!!"


GRANDMA'S AGE :
LITTLE JOHNNY ASKED HIS GRANDMA! HOW OLD SHE WAS.
GRANDMA ANSWERED, "39 AND HOLDING."
JOHNNY THOUGHT FOR A MOMENT, AND THEN SAID, "AND HOW OLD WOULD
YOU BE IF YOU LET GO?"

Clean Screen

Tired of always having to deal with a dirty monitor screen or laptop screen?
Thumb prints getting you down bubby?

Well try this:

Ryan's Track Meet

Once or twice a year, I come to Pa to see Ryan in a sport. This year I came to see him in track. My son never ceases to amaze me. His passion in sports reminds me of when I was younger. But one thing Ryan has that I never had. Ryan is never afraid of failure and that makes him better every day. I have been truly blessed with two GREAT sons!!!!

Smile that melts a girls heart!

Intensity that drives him to be better every day.

The ability to FLY!!!

You can't fix stupid!

Thought you might need a laugh.....

What goes around comes around!

Did we elect these people?

Civil War planes?

Let me know how that works out.

I'm saying GREAT paint job!

'We had no idea anyone was buried there.'

I didn't know we could choose.

This one says it all.

What are the odds?

I would have guessed 19.

Please, anyone, if you've seen this man . . .

Ok, that's just mean.


And to think......They live among us!!!!

Slap Down

Hey Philly! Stick to baseball and don't pull on Superman's cape...

Dude. When I wrote this we were up by 12.

NEVER MIND!

Happy Easter!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter with the family. Thalia had her first Easter peeps.

Spring Break

I took last week off for spring break. I usually work this week because I can get so much done when the teachers and students are gone but I decided I needed a break.
Chick thinks my job is a spring break but what does he know.

So what did I do?
Mel Brooks... take it away...



I worked my tail off. Major projects around the house, clients calling me to fix their computers (my side business), clients calling me to set up photography shoots (my other business), prospective clients asking me to manage their web site (future business). Man, I'm tired.

No time to post, no time to rest. We did manage to make it to the beach a few times. Last Saturday it was perfect and Thursday it was even better (what's better than perfect?).

Anyway, as I was laying on the beach I got to thinking about something my wife said to me three and a half years ago when I first started to blog. She said, "Be careful what you write about on that blog thing. You're exposing yourself to the whole world." And I said "Honey, I'm not that kind of man. I don't do stuff like that." And she said "Don't be a dope. You know what I mean."
And of course she was right (she usually is).

However, there are some things I don't mind making public.
Such as:

1. I love to sleep

2. I believe in personal responsibility

3. After 34 years I am still amazed by His Grace

4. I love the smell of orange blossoms (among other things)

5. I like it when people speak in sentences not paragraphs or chapters or books or major publications. Shuddup already.

6. I hate talking on the phone. Along those same lines, if you leave a message on my phone, keep it short. Very short. After 5 seconds I'll delete it. Shuddup already.

7. I usually express myself better in writing that in voice.

8. I tend to mumble. My lips get in my way.

9. I love listening to people in their 70's and 80's. They got some stories to tell. They can talk in chapters to me. They've earned it.

10. I love Walmart. 'Nough said.

11. I love the wind in my face. I feel it's God's kiss to me.

12. I love sitting at the edge of the shore line and feeling the pounding of high tide.

13. I despise reality TV. It makes me want to hurl. There ain't nothing real about it. Well, maybe there is: it's really boring.

14. I love pizza as much as I love ... pizza

15. I don't mind getting old. It is kind of weird though.

16. I like being bald (or close to it). I look at pictures of when I had hair and I had some kind of mess up there. Hair history here.

17. I like to be alone and don't like to be in crowds.

18. I love my job(s).

19. If I were to do it again, I'd marry my honey again. She's the bomb.

20. After 40 years, I've finally started to wear sandals. Long story.

21. I like my feet and hope to avoid what happens to them as you age. Ewwwwwwe.

The World Champion Phillies are Back

Last week the Rolon Boyz all went to the Phillies game to watch the Phillies beat (yet again) the Tampa Bay Rays.
Jim continues to be the embarrassment of the clan.

Bon Appetite

Do you think a plate of rice and beans with a little chicken would make it on this list?
As Titi Patria would say, "I don't sink so".
Maybe Tio Manual's Chicharones sandwich would.
Take a gander at these gems.

OK folks, repeat after me:
1. Eat Right
2. Eat Less
3. Move more

Go forth and do likewise.. or something like that.

Blogging From The Beach

'Tis a righteous day in Central Fla.